This Love Will Be Your Downfall
by fromthehillbythelake
Summary: A little lovers picnic.  Eclare ONESHOT.


**Hello there! This is just an Eclare fluff drabble, cause I miss it terribly! It is a tad bittersweet, but here goes!**

**Btw, I know it's been a while since I've updated "Killing Me Softly," and I would just like to apologize. I'm swamped with school at the moment, so I thought I'd just give a little Eclare cookie in the meantime.**

**Thank you so much for the reviews and favourites and reads, I appreciate it so much. I hope to thank you all personally on PM and such very soon, honestly, it means the world. Please don't think I've forgotten, or don't care, I'm just busy and an excellent procrastinator, so I'll get to you as soon as I can!**

**I don't own.**  
><strong>Enjoy!<strong>

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><p><strong>-x-<strong>

"..sometimes I think...I don't know...God's painting a bit of happiness in the sky when there's a beautiful sunset..."

Her voice was rapturous, filled with a little bit of wonder, and a little bit of uncertainty at how I would respond.

"What about when there's a storm?" I asked finally.

"Pockets of rising near-surface air in an unstable air mass expand and cool, and as some of the water vapour condenses into a cloud it releases heat, which then makes the air even warmer, forcing it to rise still higher in the atmosph-"

I started laughing. She grinned amusedly, keeping her eyes to the sky. Her hand was only centimeters from mine in the cool grass.

"Why don't you believe in God?" she asked suddenly, her cheeks reddening slightly at the bluntness of her question. She risked a glance at me before turning on her side, resting her head on hand. "Is it...because of Julia?"

"No," I answered roughly, still looking at the sky, "it's because the concept of God is a delusion. A false belief or impression."

"So you think I'm delusional for believing?" she asked, her voice tight.

"No," I said again, turning to face her. "But people use religion as an excuse. How could God let all this shit happen? These evil things..." I don't know why I couldn't be sensitive to her. I just couldn't condone blind faith in bullshit.

"I think about that too," she whispered.

"How could God let-" I began, but knew I was digging myself a grave. How could God put Clare through the pain of her parents' divorce? How could God watch as Adam got attacked? How could God stand by when Julia took off on her bike? How could-

"But I don't think that God let those things happen," she interrupted gently. "People did. People chose not to take responsibility to do what was right."

"Then what's the point in God anyway?" I laughed harshly. These conversations of ours always went in circles.

She was silent for a moment before she turned on her back again, and I was afraid I'd gone too far. But I couldn't feel sorry. I wanted her to know how I felt. What I was thinking.

_You'll know no more and no less than I want you to_, I told her once. I was angry and she was right, and I couldn't decide if I was furious or relieved that she knew everything about me that I didn't want her to.

"Eli," she hummed in that worried tone of hers, rolling over once more to face me.

"Yeah?" I said softly, gently reaching to play with the buttons on her jean jacket. I couldn't fucking help myself.

"I like that we talk," she stated. Seeing my expression, she giggled sheepishly as an afterthought. "I mean...we aren't afraid to say anything to each other, are we?"

"I could talk to you for days," I muttered, having to look down at her fingernails because I could feel the blood rush to my cheeks. "I haven't been able to do that with another person for a long time..."

"I'm your deep conversation go-to, Goldsworthy," she smiled, licking her lips timidly before shuffling closer to wrap her arms around my shoulders.

I wrapped my hands around her waist a moment later, finding peace in her embrace. The grass was cool against my fingertips, but a soft, warm glow enveloped us.

I took a shaky breath. "The thought of anyone trying to guide me, or help me, or know me...used to infuriate me Clare," I murmured against her ear. "I didn't want anyone trying to get in my life."

"Did I creep up on you?" she asked, holding me tighter. She even kissed under my ear, an uncharacteristic act for her.

I could feel my lungs constrict painfully, my eyes burning from the tears that threatened to come.

I couldn't tell her. If I did, I would lose it. _I loved her, I loved her, I loved her,_ and I couldn't even say it. Instead I just moved my hands in circles across her lower back.

If I could say anything, it would be _I want you to know all of me_._ I want to know all of you. _

But who am I to say?

I just leaned back, looking into her eyes before placing a kiss on her nose.

"Eli?" she asked again, resting her head in the crook of my neck. "Sometimes I feel like you're the only one who sees that I'm not perfect...and I feel like...I don't know."

"What?" I urged softly, stroking her arm.

"Well," she continued. "you see all of me...even the parts I don't want anyone to see...and I feel okay. I feel okay that you see them."

"Clare," I whispered, taking her cheek in my hand. "Sometimes you drive me insane," she nudged me playfully, "but everything I see in you is good. I'm trying to tell you what you want to hear, and what I want to say, and what I'm sure you know, but I can't. I'm nearly breaking down at the thought of telling you."

I looked and her eyes were bright and she reached down to hold my hand.

"I'm a little broken, and it'll take some time, but you make me want to be a better person, and I think people throw those fucking words around because they don't really know what it means, and just...I think we know, it's just...let me hold you when I know you need it, and know that I...I'm trying."

"I know Eli," she whispered tenderly, molding herself to my side. "I'm here, I know," she breathed, kissing my neck over and over again. "I trust myself with you, I want to trust."

We lay like that for a few moments, before Clare's cellphone vibrated in her pocket. She groaned quietly.

"You hungry?" I asked, leaning over to press a sweet kiss to her soft lips.

"Always," she giggled, stretching beside me. Just as we untangled ourselves to stand, Clare pulled on my jacket.

"Eli," she said, her eyes lingering on mine. "I know this is stupid...but if anything ever happens...just remember this night with me.

"Nothing's going to happen," I assured, pulling her close to me.

"Okay," she smiled. "You know me, I always over-think and worry and-"

Cutting her off with a playful smack on the ass, I hoisted her up to kiss me.

"Clare," I soothed, "if I know anything of love," I looked into her eyes, unaware that my hand had made its way to her chest over her heart, "it's because of you."

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><p><strong>I hope you liked this. Lovely Eclare fluff is always lovely.<strong>


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